So, I've been thinking..

God never ceases to amaze me in ways that he speaks to me and show his presence. Tonight, for my devotions, I ended up doing something a little differently. I turned on some worship music and I sat on my bed. I picked up my devotional to read it but a calm peacefulness took hold of my heart and all I could do was close my eyes and embrace it. 
As I listened to the music, tears came to my eyes in worship and surrender to God. I have been holding on to the reigns too long and too tightly. Letting go felt so good. Letting God do what God exists to do is so much easier and it is so freeing to know, that even though I don' t have any control, I am completely taken care of. Without a doubt, God has everything under control: my present problems and troubles, and my future, unbeknownst to me. I've been hating, a lot lately, where I am in my life at school, socially, and academically. Regardless, God will take care of me.
I've been slowly finding out that the people I'm around a lot seem to be constantly negative or gossipy and that I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my troubles or my spiritual life. I've felt emptied, used up, taken advantage of, and lied to. So I've been asking God for encouraging, uplifting, Christ-like friends and he's already sent a couple my way. God will provide! He will never fail me, ever!
In my devotion today, God showed me how much I really don't know. When I'm in the moment and wrapped up in 'me', I only see a tiny part of the big picture. When I blame him or get angry at him for letting me go through some of the things that really take a lot of strength, I need to realize that he has so much more in store for me and knows what is going on in the big picture. The more I look to him for what I need and talk to him, the smoother that journey becomes. God is working me toward a goal, toward something great. I can't be scared and quit just because it may be hard and really tiring and frustrating to travel that road. No matter how WEAK I am, no matter how low Satan tries to wear me down, God is my strength and power and will get me to where I need to go in his plan, in the time he wants me to get there. Life is not a race, and I am not a racehorse. The more I try to whip myself into shape and into the quick-paced race of the life this world expects from me, the more I am doomed to fail. My rest in Christ is a form of worship, and I'm not familiar with it at all. 
My challenge to myself is to learn how to set some quiet time aside for God and just be.... a little bit each day. That's all. Time to bask in his radiance, his presence. To hear him, REALLY hear him. To rest in his embrace and to accept his gift of peace. I think that will help me function a whole lot better on a daily basis and to take things one step at a time. Along with that task, I intend to challenge myself to do my devotions every day. INTENTIONALLY. Not to do them out of habit, but with intention. It's time for me to let God in again so he can grow me. I want to feel closer to him once more. I also want my relationship with my boyfriend to be an HONORABLE one, one of example. I want people to look at us and wonder what's so different about us, and I want our Christian friends to see Christ emanating fromm our relationship and reflected in our actions. I want our parents and families to be proud. I want us to be a true reflection of what God wants in a passionate, Christ- and love-driven, for-life relationship. I'll do whatever it takes, because ultimately I want God to smile down on us. We will never be perfect, but this is what I want us to strive for.
I want HIM to be proud, because I'm going to be honest. Deep down, I'm a people pleaser and I've been pleasing all the wrong people. I want to be a GOD pleaser form the bottom of my soul! I could go on forever, but I should probably find a place to stop before this entry becomes a book. I've just been thinking about a lot of things and haven't had anywhere to put my thoughts. I think they fit perfectly on these pages, though. Thank you for taking time to read this.
I really want to encourage you to find where you are in your relationship with God, and take a moment to sit down and talk to him about it. Just BE.... God will do the rest.