HOPE

Wow, have I been lost. I feel so empty and unmotivated. The past couple months have really been a struggle. Relationships have withered away, I've lost my sense of self, my strong connection and passion for God has faded, and I'm grasping at what feels like the end of the rope.. I feel used up and miserable. My focus has been on myself and how much I feel like a failure. I've failed the ones I love most and myself... But until now I hadn't stopped to think that I was failing someone much more important and so much bigger than all of my problems. 
In this song that I love so much I was reminded that

"When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin."

By magnifying my unworthiness and lack of wholeness, I have dishonored God with every word and action coming from me. Trials and hardships will cause me to be broken down, vulnerable, scared, hurt, and even scarred, but I have failed to see the things in every situation that remain constant: God's presence, his love, his grace, his loyalty, his joy, and so many other things that he rewards me with as his child! See, by magnifying my weakness, I have magnified his strength. A bible verse that has really stood out to me lately has been playing repeatedly in my head:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

 NOTHING says it as clearly as that! It's not ME who can get me through it. I can't FIX anything. I can't be STRONG enough on my own to handle everything that comes my way and I definitely can't be made whole without the Spirit of Christ in me. God made us in his own image and said we were GOOD. Even in sin and our humanness, God rejoices over us with singing! Guilt is a devil-driven emotion. When I tell myself I'm not ever going to be good enough, whether that be academically, in a friendship, or for someone someday who will be willing to put up with me for the rest of my life, I'm telling Jesus that he isn't good enough for me. I'm telling my SAVIOR that what he did wasn't sufficient because his grace, his love, his strength and guidance aren't good enough to get me through it. If you have a moment I really encourage you to watch this video by Shane and Shane about "embracing accusation."

Does it make you stop and think of how much we have to give thanks for? It honestly made me think of how stupid I have been to mope around and tell myself how much of a failure I am sometimes. No one else's opinion or worth of me matters but my God's! How relieving is that?! Gosh, what was I thinking I would accomplish by wallowing in my own pit of self-created misery?? I have SOO many things to be thankful for that outnumber the bad by more than I can fathom! God is so good to me, and I have failed to see that! I need to let go of bitterness, of selfishness, of desire, of control, and give them all to Christ, because he is the ONLY one who can "fix" me..

James 1:2-8
"Consider it a sheer GIFT, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
If you don't know what you're doing, PRAY to the Father. He LOVES to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

So, if you can relate, keep your head up! Pray for strength and guidance, because I know that God is holding us in the palm of his hand and that he has amazing things planned for us. I know that I will be praying in the same way and rejoicing that I am so blessed with everything that he has given me!